Site icon Joanna Campbell Slan

Shake Your Booty–NOT

Every day I open my copy of the Washington Post to another story about Michaele and Taraq Salahi, the couple who famously (or infamously, depending on your view of these things) crashed the Obamas’ first state dinner. Taraq seems to be getting his fair share of the drubbing, but his Barbie-doll wife, Michaele(aka Missy Holt) seems to be generating anger at approximately the same level as a nuclear meltdown.

I don’t know what the world is coming to, but in the case of the Salahi couple, I can safely say the gravy train has left the station…without them. In fact, I’m pretty sure their Diner’s Card has been derailed.

Here’s the deal: You can mess with a lot of people and get away with it, but one day your chickens will come home to roost. And if you’ve irritated an entire flock, you’re going to get a heaping helping of bird poop raining down on you. So the next time you decide to feather your nest at someone else’s expense, better chicken out before someone calls, “Fowl,” and serves you up on a platter with cranberry sauce.

I must admit, all this endless stream of problems makes for amazing reading. I can barely wait to grab my paper each morning, sip on my latte, and see what happens next.

My favorite story, so far, has been about Michaele passing herself off as a Washington Redkins cheerleader during a Sept. 18 rehearsal. (Full disclosure: I once was a Griffith High School Pantherette, so I feel a special kinship with girls who prance about the stadium at half-time. It might seem glamorous and oh-so-much fun from the sidelines, but to shake your booty in the right place at the right time, you have to put in a lot of practice.)

But of course, earning one’s way into the spotlight was not part of the Salahi gameplan. Not ever. And gee, how hard could all that faffing about be? Um, harder than it looks. Michaela first tipped her hand when she couldn’t perform one of the group’s most basic cheers. (Who knew any memorization was required? Drat, drat, double-drat.)

Of course, there were other big red flags on the field. Michaele was the only cheerleader who brought her own film crew when she crashed the pompom party. And of course, the crew was mainly interested in getting photos of her good side. (Which is … where?)

In fact the camera crew actually asked to have the other team members to shuffled off to Buffalo so they could get a better view of Michaele. Fortunately, the team choreographer put her foot down. (That’s what’s known as a stomp, kids.)

Not only was Michaele too tall to be in the front row, according to the team spokeswoman, “She can’t dance.”

Yeah, that really does matter. Trust me, it does.

Another cheerleader put it this way: “I’m so resentful… For her to get out there and think she can just shake her pompoms is upsetting.”

Hear that, Michaele? Siss, boo, bah!

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